It’s difficult to watch someone suffer. It’s difficult to watch when there is really nothing you can do. I watch a little boy suffer, and I see agony in the eyes of his parents. It’s so heart wrenching as they struggle each day to make the best of things. They work so diligently to care for him and make the right choices, but in the end it is out of their control. Their laughter and happiness is only punctuation to the heartache.
Yet, this is the way of things. For the sake of the words here, marriage can best be defined as years of toil annotated by moments of true happiness. The patient will find that the work is not in vain. As the years move on, the fruit of their heartache and toil together will result in rest and contentment and joy that they have never known. The storms will still wage, but they will have discovered the stability and firm foundation that is the love and heart of God. Suffering will not shake them. They were not appointed to know joy. Instead, Christ promised the opposite. They were appointed to suffer greatly. But, if they endure heartache, they are promised the reward in compensation for what they’ve been through.
Conversely, the impatient, the ones who seek only happiness, will find only disappointment. They will find the toil unbearable. They will be unable to see beyond the day that is immediately in front of them. They will be forever chasing the costly goal of contentment, yet be unwilling to pay the price it takes to obtain it. They will run from suffering, and they will never know the joy that comes only from endurance. In the end, they will suffer even more that then the others. They will do regrettable things and will be unhappy. Each glimmer of joy is only a momentary distraction from the pain. But it’s not happiness at all, for the pain returns each time stronger than before.
I know the heartache of the parents as they watch their son suffer. The only difference between us is that the one I’ve watched suffer does so by his own hand. Could I cry out? No more than those parents can. I could no more control circumstances then they can. My love made me want to rescue that one from suffering, but it’s the same love that drove me to inaction. God allows us to suffer by our own hands because it is a consequence of our sin. He wants us to feel the hurt so that we will know it and learn from it. If he were to rescue us, then we would never grow. This doesn’t mean his heart is hardened against us; instead, it causes him great pain to watch us grieve. It’s through our agony, though, that our hearts might soften towards him. The painful truth of it all is that suffering is good for man to endure.
It’s this same love within me that guided my choices. I knew when it started that it would take years for the potential to be reached. Unlike suffering allowed for our growth, this suffering came as a consequence of choice. It could have been avoided. The sad reality is that it will get much worse before the gravity of it all finally sets in. Thankfully, though, suffering because of consequences doesn’t alter it as catalyst for growth. Whether or not I am there in the end is irrelevant. I only pray that restoration happens, not between us, but with God. For I know the heart of God and how it longs for this one, and I know his heart and how it longs for rest in God
But finding rest comes at a price. It comes with years of toil and sacrifice. It comes at paying today for reward tomorrow. It comes with the knowledge that in this life, like happiness, suffering is only temporary.
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Happiness can only be gained when walking close to You. For that, I am grateful. And for the overwhelming joy You have given me while we walk together, thank you.