Today is another day. It’s a day when I looked fondly on memories. They are still good. The memories will always be. I can always look back on who we once were. We were laughing children discovering ourselves. We had dreams and hopes for a future. We had ambitions for who we would someday become. We chased them with awkward steps and clumsy feet and laughed at each other’s mistakes. We were innocent. We were so positive we even got scammed into buying pots and pans together not thinking it through, because we didn’t care. Sure, we had heartache and anger at times, but we had heart. I won’t forget that, no matter what the lies he tries to whisper into my ears. We had so much good. Are we proud of who we’ve become? If we could have met ourselves as we stood there at the edge of the water and gazed into our futures ready to take the plunge, would we have longed for where we stand now? Would we be able to say, “I’m proud of who I will be?” Would we have smiled in hopes for how things would turn out? I think if I could...

It’s difficult to watch someone suffer.  It’s difficult to watch when there is really nothing you can do.  I watch a little boy suffer, and I see agony in the eyes of his parents.  It’s so heart wrenching as they struggle each day to make the best of things.  They work so diligently to care for him and make the right choices, but in the end it is out of their control.  Their laughter and happiness is only punctuation to the heartache. Yet, this is the way of things.  For the sake of the words here, marriage can best be defined as years of toil annotated by moments of true happiness.  The patient will find that the work is not in vain.  As the years move on, the fruit of their heartache and toil together will result in rest and contentment and joy that they have never known.  The storms will still wage, but they will have discovered the stability and firm foundation that is the love and heart of God.  Suffering will not shake them.  They were not appointed to know joy.  Instead, Christ promised the opposite.  They were appointed to suffer greatly.  But, if they endure heartache, they...

There was a tree that grew in the deserts of Arizona. It was watered by a small spigot that ran but a few short minutes each day. It was a fragile looking tree as its limbs were weak and its leaves were few. It was tucked behind a house, with a few other trees, but couldn’t have been more alone. You see, the other trees were cotton woods and willows, and in spite of the desert heat and the dry earth, they grew tall and proud and over shadowed even the house. This little apple tree, though, stood no taller than a man. When I first looked at this tree, I thought nothing of it beyond its frail frame and spindly branches. I wondered why this tree was so different from the others. I figured that some grow well and others just struggle to make it in the hostile landscape. It wasn’t the tree’s fault; it just wasn’t meant to be there. One day in the spring, when walking behind that house, I suddenly spotted something out of the ordinary. A single white flower had budded from a branch on that tree. I marveled at the thought that this...

What does a troubled soul look like? There is shaking from a storm that rages and water that pounds against it, Yet the rain has long since passed and the thunder no longer heard. The soul is aged, far too quickly, with heart taught many lessons, But more than those it’s patient, it’s love, it’s open to the quietest voices spoken. This is a troubled soul Whose heart is soft and feels the pain of those around it, And reaches out to take their hand and embrace them, the ones left out alone. Most of all, it knows their pain and feels its ever aching with them And holds it close as to not forget that love counts no costs too high. So what is a troubled soul? It’s a gift of God that we may see more clearly and love the way He loves. It’s a hope that this life is not all there is and that the future is still coming. It’s a place where home is not quite home, but safe enough to rest. It’s a door by which to welcome in the lost, the broken, and the fallen. I am growing fond of troubled people...

A few days ago someone posed a “What would you do if…” scenario to me. The thing they asked was difficult and heart wrenching, and I was left wrestling with the implications of such a choice. It troubled me at the time, but there was still solidarity in the fact that no such event would occur. Sure, it was within the realm of possible, just not probable. Behind the safety of the hypothetical, I declared my choice and stood firm upon my answer. Within a week, I came to face it. The improbable and conjectural was now neither. While I have yet to make the choice the circumstances pose, it has to be made. Will my answer be upheld or will I bow to the alternative under the new light of the reality of the circumstances? First, let’s walk through the process of consideration. On my way to church this morning I asked God all of the questions racing through my mind. My head and heart mourned over it. My emotions tugged at my soul. “What am I to do?” Silence I knew the answers. God had given them already. I just hated them. Today at church the topic of...

Dreams are a gift. Without them I cannot function. There have been times in my life when I’ve gone weeks and even months without being able to remember a single dream. I wake up, the memories drift quickly away into the abyss, and the dream is lost. I usually try to grapple on to something, but there is no substance to hold on to. The dreams, if I can recall even the slightest detail, are mundane at best or are too confusing to have even the slightest value. To put it mildly, these weeks and months of dreamless sleep are crippling. I rely entirely on my dreams to tell me stories. It’s rare that I create a story out of thin air. Most of the time, there is a vision that drives my thoughts and my ideas. There is a dream from which I steal a premise or see a character born. Often the best dreams are nothing more than a conversation or a single event. When I wake, my mind scrambles to put all of the pieces in place, to fabricate the world in which this fantastical person exists, or to shape the history and future of a single moment...

The cold air brought him back to the present and back from the haunting thoughts of past that brought him here. He stood at the intersection staring across at the flickering neon lights of The Scarlett. The streets were empty. Even cabs were rare at 3 am. The train ran about thirty minutes ago, but it wasn’t going by again until 4. Typically the sound of screeching train brakes as it rounded a corner or came to a halt at the station echoed through the air.  There was also usually sirens wailing off in the distance. Now though under the cover of the late November cold, it was almost completely silent. So here he waited, alone in the freezing dark, across from the black windows of the store front. He had been here before. It’s where he saw her the first time. He didn’t go in, but he saw her when she came out. It was three years ago just before midnight, that she had walked out of that building. He stood there alone, like today, but at that time he was waiting for the bus. She approached him and asked if she could borrow bus fare. She wanted...

“I need you beside me.  I feel so much heaviness and I’m not sure if it’s from you or from my flesh.  I am torn by self-doubt and wondering.” This was how my prayer started.  I drove to work in the twilight of the morning and pondered those things.  It seems that I am ruled by a fear of guilt and I want to do what is right.  Yet somewhere deep in me, whenever I pursue things that could be good or benign, I start to waver.  These are usually big decisions.  Throughout my life they have been, “Should I move there?”, “Is this the church for me?”, “Should I take that trip?”, “Is that the right college?” or even “Should I date her?”  They are always things I desire.  My fear comes from a place of wondering whether or not my own wants are drowning out the voice of God.  The last thing I want is to be mid-jump only to come to realize that God wasn’t in it to begin with. So what happens?  I start to plan the move and am overcome with fear, doubt, and guilt.  I start to question things and it is based...

Words. They are little things that once released can cause insurmountable damage. It takes years to build trust. It takes actions and proving yourself, time and time again, to be a good person. It then takes but a single sentence of simple words to strip all of that away. Words have power. They can give life or take it away. It is no wonder that God puts so much emphasis throughout scripture for us to control our...

We can all come back from the edge.  We can all turn away and not return to this place.  As long as we are planted firmly on the ground, there is hope. but… There is a point, beyond the edge, when you have let go and passed the point of no return.  No one can come back from that.  It is too late to second guess yourself while the air rushes past and you plummet from the ledge.  There is no rescue from a choice so permanent. “I enjoy the feeling of weightlessness!” We all do.  Yet the cost in the end is life and the feeling so swiftly gone.  The false gain is not worth the tremendous price. A wise man once said that, to be wise, you must think often of your death.  It keeps you humble and tempers your choices. He was right.  Remember that when you’re peering over the edge admiring the...

“Be brave, my son, for tomorrow is a good day and I have a plan for you. It will be for you good, and not for your destruction. It will be for your life and not your death. It will be filled with joy and great hope. The good is gone, that I had for you, but do no fear. I have another good, greater than your eyes have seen or you heart has known. I have a good that I give freely to you, that none will take away. You have paid a great cost, that which I never wished any to pay, but you will be recompensed. You will face great cost again, but not as you have these days. These days shall be what you carry with you, to mourn beside those who mourn, to lift up those who stumble, and to sit amongst those whose only relief is the silence presence of their friends. I have good for you. Don’t turn away from me. The road is difficult, but I will be the fighting force behind your victory. The air is thin when you think you’ve lost all breath, I will fill your lungs again....

May the road be paved with stones.  May the holes and cracks upon it break my resolve.  May the rains wash away the path ahead.  May the heat burn my skin.  May the friends I’ve made turn back.  May the winds be bitter cold. For in the midst of such a storm, your face is never clearer.  With hands out stretched you welcome me and call me to come nearer.  “Bring it all,” you said, “to the cross and lay it at my feet.  And there alone you will have my grace in exchange for all your burden.”  So I have come this far to see your face and to sit here in your presence.  I have lost nothing of great value, but I’ve gained a great reward.  I walked upon the broken roads and found myself at home.  I found myself beside you, God, and I found such joy as well.  Now when I look to the peaceful hill, where you have rarely tread, I wish not to walk upon the high places, but to walk with you instead.  For your face is in the valley’s, in the canyons, and in the pits.  Your hands are touching the...

Who am I?  What am I doing?  Am I’m getting myself in to trouble or am I afraid I’m making mistakes.  God, you are so patient.  You understand my heart.  You said that day to me, “Righteousness needs no defense.”  You keep stating it in my ear.  You asked men to fight losing battles a thousand times before now.  What makes me different?  You ask it of me and out of fear I am tempted with great pull to disobey. Strengthen me with prophecy, with words of truth and right.  Spirit comfort me as you have for so many years before.  As you did yesterday and today.  As you promised you will tomorrow.  Don’t let me steps falter and fall to the right or to the left.  Let me stand on your truth and obey! Give me strength to obey! And speak encouragement to me that I may know your heart, that I may never waver, and that I may act upon...

Father… I asked you months ago, how far was far enough. I told you my plan and you said I couldn’t move on it. I told you I was beyond my ability to stand. You said to stand further. I said I had lost all the fight I had left. You said to fight again. Why? Why do you keep asking me to fight? Why do you keep asking me to stand? I know the things you hate and I will not do them. Do I have a choice? You said you remain faithful though I am faithless. Steer my steps that I may walk in step with your heart. I don’t have the answer. Just like months ago, I said I could go no further. You said go again. Today I say, I can go no further. What do you say? For I will...

“Have you ever been to that side of the mountain?”  The voice was soft and the question carried a gentle excitement. “No.  I haven’t been to mountain at all.”  She seemed to forget how new this all was to me.  Yet with each question, she revealed a little more of how much she loved her home and how much she wanted to show me. “Oh, you’ll love it!”  Her eyes widened as if images of this other place were flooding in.  “I can’t explain it.  You really have to just see it.” This dialogue, however brief, shot through my head.  I saw it briefly and it was gone.  I saw the face and her hair slightly blowing to one side.  It was gone just that fast.  It was a fleeting image and thought of a story.  It carried a great deal of emotion, but then disappeared.  It left me wondering what kind of story it could one day be.  The woman had history and passions.  She had dreams and visions.  I know they’re just characters, but it really feels like I’m getting to know someone for the first time. This was one of those moments, as if I were...

Father… I know that fear comes from doubt.  I know that because I have fear.  And that fear is from seeing the circumstances around me.  That fear is from seeing things that don’t fall in line with the things you’ve promised.  I doubt your promises.  I doubt you will carry out the promises the way that I hope they are carried out.  I doubt you will do the good I want.  I am afraid of what you may ask of me.  I’m afraid of the suffering that you may ask me to endure to reach that promise.  I truly am afraid. You have promised good things.  You have promised and answered wonderful things.  You will see them worked out.  You overcome the events that plague me.  You comfort me through the suffering.  You seek me out that you may fight on my behalf.  You are...