The best way to describe it is anxious. Scripture says, “Be anxious for nothing.” That’s just it, I’m anxious and I don’t even know why. I’ve been trying to figure it out for the better part of an hour and I can’t figure out why. I’m quite literally anxious over nothing!
My decision was then to go through every detail to figure out why I’m anxious. In fact, I have plenty of reason to be. I can think of ten reasons off the top of my head. Some trivial and superficial and others serious life changing decisions. I considered the trivial as it is the most immediate, but its impact on my condition or on life is non-sequester. Things like my cell phone’s battery going dead make me anxious, but in a far different way. I’m not overly concerned. Yet this is deeper. It’s as if there is a major event coming and I am unprepared, or there is something forgotten whose loss will be catastrophic. As I mull I wonder if there is fear. Is there fear of a coming choice that I have already made or of an event which is beyond my control? I can’t answer because in spite of my best attempts to do so, I’m unable to actually arrive at a conclusion as to where the fear comes from. In pondering I stumble across other things in which I had placed in the back of the conscious mind. Those are not the things I am unknowingly anxious of, but they rather amplify the anxiety.
This is not a new occurrence. It happens from time to time and must carry its course before it subsides. I wonder if it is from the fact that my life is still in a cross roads. As I try to move one way or another, I can’t help but feel there is a directionality to my aimlessness.
Maybe I will figure it out in time. Only time will tell.