Today is another day. It’s a day when I looked fondly on memories. They are still good. The memories will always be. I can always look back on who we once were. We were laughing children discovering ourselves. We had dreams and hopes for a future. We had ambitions for who we would someday become. We chased them with awkward steps and clumsy feet and laughed at each other’s mistakes. We were innocent. We were so positive we even got scammed into buying pots and pans together not thinking it through, because we didn’t care. Sure, we had heartache and anger at times, but we had heart. I won’t forget that, no matter what the lies he tries to whisper into my ears. We had so much good.
Are we proud of who we’ve become? If we could have met ourselves as we stood there at the edge of the water and gazed into our futures ready to take the plunge, would we have longed for where we stand now? Would we be able to say, “I’m proud of who I will be?” Would we have smiled in hopes for how things would turn out?
I think if I could have seen the future, I would have been sad. But I would have not been disappointed. I stood for the one I loved. I paid every cost I knew how to pay, and I sacrificed everything I knew how to sacrifice. I stayed silent when I felt I needed to stay silent, and I spoke when I felt like I needed to speak. I loved without fear and without condition. I got lost in the hope of the future, and I made every choice while carefully weighing the cost to that future. I would not jeopardize the future of the one I loved. I walked each step, not perfectly, but carefully. I made every choice with the hope in mind for us to become what You, Father, had intended.
I’m proud of who we once were. And I know that had I stood and seen today, I’d have made the same choices because that was the cost of standing close to You. I only would have made them with far more determination. Because, we weren’t fools. We were wise. We made the right choice then and we listened to You. Only when our ears stopped hearing did we falter.
I am grateful for the nearness. I am grateful for the good memories because they are the truth. They are real. They are but a glimpse of who You made us to be. Now, You mold and shape us and take the broken forms and masterfully recreate. Tomorrow is not lost, because the truth of the past is still the truth You intended to see carried out.
I do not regret because regret would mean shame. I have no fear, no remorse, and no doubt that I followed You. We followed You and we obeyed in those days. I cannot regret obedience that taught me to love and to feel and to forgive. I cannot be bitter over the gifts that You gave. You gave us happiness, even but for while.
Today, You promised me tomorrow, and it was a beautiful promise. I pray You lead me for another five years, and I pray that when I look back, it will be of a man unashamed and without regret. I pray that I love without condition. I pray that I learn to feel much deeper and know Your heart. I pray that I forgive endlessly and wipe the tears of the broken and hurting away.
If You grant me another five years to walk this earth, then they are Yours.
Lead me.
I will follow.