The embers cooled, popping tenderly in the quiet night. Even the breeze, gentle at the beginning of the evening, had decided that complete stillness was now more appropriate. The stars were brighter that night than they had been for a while. Without the competition from the moon, the stars owned every inch of the sky and were taking advantage of cloudless dark. They felt closer, as if they were straining wide-eyed to watch the world unfold below, not wanting to miss a moment. This night was special.
He had let the fire die for a reason. Who could compete with the fires of heaven? In quiet respect he had withdrawn his, content to just watch as they coursed across the sky. It was a majestic procession. Each carefully placed in order, some leading with the melody, brightly dancing in step; the others followed in harmony, swaying behind. Even the bird’s watched silently; this night belonged to a greater symphony.
A single steak caught his eye. For a moment he saw brilliance. A star had come close, brushing against the earth, revealing its radiance. Now you’re just showing off. Why didn’t he come here more often? He needed to hear them. How easy it was to forget what they were saying, especially tonight. It was such a heavy anxiety that had kept him awake. This seemed to help, if only temporarily. Night after night they sang the same chorus, each time clearer than the last, each time with greater crescendo. Anticipation?
A chill touched his back. He hadn’t thought about a blanket. It was hard to imagine the night being such a contrast to the desert sun, but with the fire all but out, the hairs on his arm softly reminded him of cooling air. With the night only halfway through, the cold would make him uncomfortable. It seemed a shame that he needed to start the fire again. The chorus was coming to the best part.
He leaned forward to poke the embers, but something wasn’t right. He looked up. Out of the silent night, the symphony of the heavens halted, as if to hold its breath. The stars were closer still. What are they waiting for? The air stirred, he was completely alert now. Something was coming.
Out of the dark a figure materialized and took him by the waist. Together they rolled into the fire, extinguishing the final breathe of heat. He quickly threw the attacker off and crawled out of the ashes to his feet, but before he could utter a word in protest, the attacker was upon him again. Tumbling backwards they both fell into a tangled heap. The attacker tried to pin him, but working all those years in the field gave him an advantage over most men. Again, he flung the attacker off and stepped to his feet. He drew in a gulp of air, trying desperately to recover the wind that had been taken from him, but the cloud of dust and ash that surrounded him sent him coughing. He had only a moment before he was thrown to the dirt.
********************
They wrestled for a life time that night. At first he tried to get away, but the determination of his foe was unyielding. He had no idea what was wanted of him, he had nothing with him besides the clothes on his back. Furthermore, the attacker seemed calculated, as if death or robbery was not the intended purpose. Yet every time he tried to speak, to challenge or question his attacker, he would again be dragged to the ground and the breath knocked out of him. It was clear that the only way to win was to overcome. That was, of course, easier said than done.
He had completely lost track of time, but exhaustion had set in and the fight was leaving him. In his last effort to gain the advantage, he flipped the attacker, face to the ground, reached to pin the arms. In that instant he saw a glimmer of light come over the mountains. Daybreak. He would now see his attacker in the light. It was in that moment that his attacker touched his leg, or maybe hit him; at least it felt that way. The pain exploded in his hip, every muscle tightened and the bones locked. His entire body felt like fire.
His attacker began to push away. No, you came after me! As if to respond, his attacker spoke, “Let me go. The sun is rising.” There was authority in the voice. There was power. No longer was this his attacker, this was suddenly his hope. He didn’t understand what had happened or even how he knew, but this person could heal him, break him free of all of the fears and demons that had tormented him. He was a man living in fear of a past overflowing with lies, betrayal, and theft, and on this day he had come here to face it. Everything he had ever owned was meaningless, and anyone he had ever loved could no longer save him. The past he would face alone, and he knew, without help, he would surely die. And there, alone in the fading darkness, his attacker became his hope.
“No. I won’t let go. Not unless you help me!”
“What is your name?”
The question pierced his soul, exposing his darkest hiding places. Afraid and ashamed he answered, “I am a man who has lived a life seeking only to cheat and lie, to deceive for my own gain.” He could hide nothing, the questioner already knew his secrets, “I deserve to be named only with the insults of the honest men I’ve wronged.”
“You will no longer bare these names, nor will you be the man you were. You have struggled with God and with men, and you have overcome.” The man rose from the ground, a silhouette now visible against the mountains. “Because of this, you will be changed.”
He sat up in awe, releasing his grasp on the man’s arm, “Who are you?”
“Why would you ask such a thing?” The kindness was evident in the man’s voice. The man then turned and walked into the dust, disappearing in the shadow of the mountain.
He stared after the man in wonder. Then, in that instant, the sun pierced the cloud and, for a second, he caught a glimpse of the face of the man who had come in the night. He had come face to face with God, his fear was gone, and he was still alive.
Please Note:
This story is an auto-biographical piece written using the vehicle of Genesis 32:24-32. Please understand that it is not my intention to paraphrase or retell the biblical story, instead I simply wish to share an intimately personal story of God’s perfect grace, mercy, and discipline through the use of imagery and metaphor.