Yes, Father, I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what you’ll allow. I’m afraid the cost of your goodness to me will hurt. I have a past filled with such hurt and I point to that and say, “See, there is such pain in your discipline. Deep is the suffering that brings me to your throne room.” I know that you are good and that your plans for me a not for my harm. Yet I have been harmed. I have a life that proves that you allow the sting of sin.
I wish for nothing deeper than to see you face to face. I wish for no greater thing than to be perfected by you. Yet I don’t know what the cost will be to bring such things to an end. In our culture we throw words around like “Die to self” or “living sacrifices”, but have no concept of price of doing such things. Families are torn apart, business run into the ground, and lives are lost. Death comes in the most horrific forms. Sometimes death comes slowly, as you watch the one you love succumb to that disease that ravages their body. It comes when least expected, when future dreams are intertwined with theirs and the prospect of life long marriage is waiting to be fulfilled.
I know your character. I trust that you are good.
On days like today, I’m afraid that your goodness will bring great sorrow. I long for tomorrow when I will be in your presence and this life is a forgotten shadow in the light of your eternal glory.
I long for your peace. I long for you.